It dawned on me the other day that I’ve been a lot of things and done a lot of things for my son in his 20 years of life, but what shook me to my core was the realization that I was, I am my son’s pusher.

Unyieldingly, I pushed, pushed, pushed—always expecting more. Throughout his childhood, a common response would be, “Mom, you’re pushing me out of my comfort zone!” as his anxiety increased. “Good,” I’d answer back. “Then I’m doing my job.”

I have learned so much over the past two decades as the parent of a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Seven fundamentals I live by:

• Never settle. Never settle for the first diagnosis, the first method of treatment, therapist, etc. and if a chosen intervention or therapy doesn’t produce results or changes in six to eight weeks, go back to the drawing board and try something else. Do not waste time on a losing approach.
• If you don’t agree with something, say so. No teacher, IEP team member, therapist or doctor can read your mind.
• Always expect more. Keep pushing your child out of his comfort zone. Be relentless.
• Make sure you and your child understand the diagnosis—and don’t let it define him.
• Never diagnose someone else’s kid. Never.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to surround yourself with those who know.
• Surround your child with love, positivity, support and encouragement.

And when your kid is never invited to parties or get-togethers just because of his way of being, that’s when you have to reach out and find support groups in your community. The last thing you want to do is isolate yourself and your child. When our son was in high school we wanted him to join some groups, but we couldn’t find anything that matched his interests and skill level. That’s when I started Autism Resource Mom, Inc.—a nonprofit organization that provides support, guidance and hope for families of children with autism spectrum disorder. Through the support we offer parents and caregivers and the activities we sponsor for the individuals, we make sure that our members get all the social opportunities afforded to their typically developing peers.

I’ll never regret being my son’s pusher. I like to think my pushing got him where he is today—going to college, living in an apartment with another student with ASD (picture that!) and having the time of his life.

Be your child’s pusher. And be dogged about it.